Thursday, November 29, 2007

Ask Chemskank

Here's a random collection of advice I've given my friends and miscellaneous thoughts, in no particular order but I've numbered them for organizational purposes (previously posted on Facebook)

1. Never push strippers down escalators

2. Revenge is a dish best served cold

3. When it comes to men: even if you have nothing to do, keep yourself busy

4. Fashion (not directed at anyone in particular):
When in doubt, wear black.
Crocs are NEVER EVER acceptable footwear.
Big boobs+big shirts= not cute
Buy clothes that FIT, I don't care that it's 70% off. Muffin tops are never attractive.
Less is more especially when it comes to make-up, tans, and cleavage.
Unless you want to be compared to Britney Spears, wear underwear.
Take risks every once in a while.

5. If you're thinking about doing something bitchy but have doubts about it, do it anyway.

6. Act like you're the most badass girl in town (it works for me)

7. Get drunk but make sure you have friends around that can take care of you

8. Stealing someone's significant other is NOT ok.

9. If you're gonna cheat, make sure you don't get caught.

10. Be nice to bouncers, it pays off.

11. Just because someone buys you a drink doesn't mean that you have any obligations to him.

12. Boyfriends come and go but friends are forever (unless they try to steal your man, in which case they weren't your friend to begin with)

13. Don't follow any of the advice you read in Cosmo.

14. If you have serious doubts about your relationship then it's probably best to end it. Also, if you THINK he's cheating, he probably is. Drop him.

15. Never let a man walk all over you and put you down. If he does then he's insecure and trying to make himself feel better. Drop him.

16. "No" means "NO!"

17. Take the road less traveled, even if that means just taking a different route home.

18. Don't sleep with an ex (you know who you are)

19. If you're gonna be bad, do it RIGHT.

20. Moderate moderation

21. Nothing tastes as good as being thin...except chocolate, pizza, steak, cookies, ice cream, mashed potatoes, pasta, cake, uh yeah...pretty much everything.

22. Embrace at least 2 vices. Some suggestions: booze, sex, cigarettes, trashy reads, religion.
vices, courtesy of the fabulous Vice magazine

23. You can't apply logic to crazy

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