Craptastic

You can file this one under "WHAT THE FUCK?" Yep, that is a Michael Kors "Paddle Cover" retailing for the bargain price of $101.00 (on sale from $168.00) Now you can BDSM in style. It's really convenient say, if you're on your way to a sexy rendez-vous and you need to carry your sex toys around. If anyone asks you can just say "Oh, I'm just on my way to my squash match." Right...
Now I suspect that this is not what Mr. Kors had in mind when he designed this particular product (although you never know...you've seen Proj Run, he looks like he might be quite a freak) but for those of us with really filthy minds it's quite obvious to make that connection. It's actually great to find this on, of all places, the Neiman Marcus website since it's so unintentionally hilarious. Those kinky rich broads...so THIS is what they do in the fucking Hamptons!

Pathetic Losers- part 2

The Eurotrash Romeo is one of the first types of guys to avoid if you're looking for someone with any sense of moderation and decency. On the other hand, if what turns you on is a particular brand of douchiness and poor taste in clothing and music then by all means go ahead (see below for example.) Chemskank, however, is not impressed by their suave dance moves and perfectly gelled hair.


Eurotrash Romeo is not necessarily European and a lot happen to be of the Arabic persuasion. But where they hail from is hardly of any importance. What's important is to know how to recognize them so you can run away as fast as possible. Luckily, that's not hard to do as they are quite easily recognizable by their peculiarly louche style: some sort of button down shirt or printed layered tees (skintight, but of course) paired with torn jeans (purchased that way) and lizard and/or snakeskin boots. They usually wear sunglasses indoors and are attached at the hip to their Blackberries. You can find them in clubs (Marquee, Midtown general area, etc.) swigging at bottles of champagne or vodka cocktails. Eurotrash Romeo does not drink beer because he's too "sophisticated" for that. They usually talk about how much money they spent on their last vacation in St. Trope or London and think that they can get in your pants just by promising to take you out to dinner at Nobu. They are generally useless human beings ...sorry, does that sound a little too judgmental? Perhaps, but I have nothing good to say about conceited Lotharios with awful taste in music.

10 Sex Cravings All Guys Have!!!

Cosmopolitan magazine's sex tips are what I like to call "sex for retards." Either 1) these people are really clueless about sex or 2) they'd like to think that YOU are clueless about sex. Every month, Cosmo comes up with the same trite stuff about sex. For example, last month's cover story was "Dirty Sexy Sex." Wow! As if sex before wasn't both sexy and dirty and Cosmo just came up with that concept. What a novel idea! Anyway, here goes, the top 10 things a guy wants:

1. HE WANTS A GIRL WHO CAN TURN HERSELF ON
No, duh? Really? You mean I can have sex AND masturbate at the same time? Aaaaand moving on...

2. HE WANTS SEX TO BE FUN
Because you know...girls want sex to be boring.

3. HE WANTS YOU TO DROP HINTS
What other earth shattering discoveries will Cosmo come up with? Maybe...

4. HE WANTS TO WATCH
Ohmygawd! I had no clue! (*rolls eyes*)

5. HE WANTS YOU TO BE NAUGHTY
This is just getting repetitive at this point.

6. HE WANTS A "WOW, WHAT WAS THAT?" EXPERIENCE
"If you've mastered one particular technique that's really hot and different, the entire erotic experience will stand out in his mind," explains psychologist Joel Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie.

Now, you don't have to bust out a complicated trick best used by yoga instructors — just tweak an old standby, say, switching between oral sex and intercourse...with him blindfolded.

YAWN!!!!

7. HE WANTS TO MIX THINGS UP
Is this over yet? I might just have to fake it to get out of this.

8. HE WANTS NOOKY OUT OF NOWHERE
No comment

9. HE WANTS TO TAKE YOU
Gee, I really hope so.

10. HE WANTS TO DO NOTHING SOMETIMES
Like just sit on the couch and watch football?

Ok, so what did we learn from all this? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Cosmo gives sex advice as given by a 5th grader. It's a complete waste of time so don't even bother (that's why I do the dirty work) with it. Really, honestly...it's not worth it.

Baby Boom

Actually, scratch that. There IS something I'm pissed off about. Everyone and their sister is pregnant. J. LO, Halle Berry, Nicole Richie. Now Jessica Alba, Jaime Lynn Spears (she's 16 for fuck's sake!), and Lilly Allen. OYYY
Haven't these people heard of CONDOMS? Or BIRTH CONTROL PILLS? I know they're rich enough to afford both of those things. Oh, and Jaime Lynn, you're too young to be screwing some dude anyway! I'm feeling stabby just thinking about it.

Guys, learn to keep it in your pants. Or at least be responsible if you don't want the next 18 years to be a nightmare. But as always, people will always blame it on drugs and rock & roll...and the corruption of the society's young by liberals.