Pathetic Losers- part 2

The Eurotrash Romeo is one of the first types of guys to avoid if you're looking for someone with any sense of moderation and decency. On the other hand, if what turns you on is a particular brand of douchiness and poor taste in clothing and music then by all means go ahead (see below for example.) Chemskank, however, is not impressed by their suave dance moves and perfectly gelled hair.


Eurotrash Romeo is not necessarily European and a lot happen to be of the Arabic persuasion. But where they hail from is hardly of any importance. What's important is to know how to recognize them so you can run away as fast as possible. Luckily, that's not hard to do as they are quite easily recognizable by their peculiarly louche style: some sort of button down shirt or printed layered tees (skintight, but of course) paired with torn jeans (purchased that way) and lizard and/or snakeskin boots. They usually wear sunglasses indoors and are attached at the hip to their Blackberries. You can find them in clubs (Marquee, Midtown general area, etc.) swigging at bottles of champagne or vodka cocktails. Eurotrash Romeo does not drink beer because he's too "sophisticated" for that. They usually talk about how much money they spent on their last vacation in St. Trope or London and think that they can get in your pants just by promising to take you out to dinner at Nobu. They are generally useless human beings ...sorry, does that sound a little too judgmental? Perhaps, but I have nothing good to say about conceited Lotharios with awful taste in music.

10 Sex Cravings All Guys Have!!!

Cosmopolitan magazine's sex tips are what I like to call "sex for retards." Either 1) these people are really clueless about sex or 2) they'd like to think that YOU are clueless about sex. Every month, Cosmo comes up with the same trite stuff about sex. For example, last month's cover story was "Dirty Sexy Sex." Wow! As if sex before wasn't both sexy and dirty and Cosmo just came up with that concept. What a novel idea! Anyway, here goes, the top 10 things a guy wants:

1. HE WANTS A GIRL WHO CAN TURN HERSELF ON
No, duh? Really? You mean I can have sex AND masturbate at the same time? Aaaaand moving on...

2. HE WANTS SEX TO BE FUN
Because you know...girls want sex to be boring.

3. HE WANTS YOU TO DROP HINTS
What other earth shattering discoveries will Cosmo come up with? Maybe...

4. HE WANTS TO WATCH
Ohmygawd! I had no clue! (*rolls eyes*)

5. HE WANTS YOU TO BE NAUGHTY
This is just getting repetitive at this point.

6. HE WANTS A "WOW, WHAT WAS THAT?" EXPERIENCE
"If you've mastered one particular technique that's really hot and different, the entire erotic experience will stand out in his mind," explains psychologist Joel Block, PhD, author of The Art of the Quickie.

Now, you don't have to bust out a complicated trick best used by yoga instructors — just tweak an old standby, say, switching between oral sex and intercourse...with him blindfolded.

YAWN!!!!

7. HE WANTS TO MIX THINGS UP
Is this over yet? I might just have to fake it to get out of this.

8. HE WANTS NOOKY OUT OF NOWHERE
No comment

9. HE WANTS TO TAKE YOU
Gee, I really hope so.

10. HE WANTS TO DO NOTHING SOMETIMES
Like just sit on the couch and watch football?

Ok, so what did we learn from all this? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Cosmo gives sex advice as given by a 5th grader. It's a complete waste of time so don't even bother (that's why I do the dirty work) with it. Really, honestly...it's not worth it.

The answer to every relationship question there ever was, maybe

There’s a good article in the Times today: Divorce and a Haircut, Two Bits, by Scott Smallwood. After the author’s marriage fails he has to find a barber to cut his hair since his wife had previously done it for him. In the barber’s chair he reminisces about the relationship, giving several versions of the marriage’s demise. As it is with all relationships, there is not one single factor that influences their outcome. Rather, it is a combination of various things. It’s a lot easier to blame it all on the other person, blame it on ONE event but the truth is that it’s a slow process of disintegration that culminates in the one event that we tend to blame everything on. In a way, that’s a lot more depressing because it’s inevitable…like death.

Looking back at the most significant relationship of my relatively short life (3 years, and I’m only 23) it all played out too perfectly. Yes, I could blame it on his cheating or on my obstinacy to make compromises but it’s not that simple. It’s a long series of events, people, and attitudes that just piled on top of each other leading to the breaking point. Eventually, someone stops giving a fuck (especially in a long-distance relationship) and everything falls apart. Then came more than one year of trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together but that failed miserably. It’s like gluing up a shattered glass…it may look like a glass, but does it hold water? Well, I still don’t know why things happened the way they did and I’ve made peace with that. The underlying factors seem to be the imperceptible transformations that occur as we grow and change as people. Sometimes we end up being incompatible if the changes don’t happen in the same direction.

Interestingly, some of my qualities that obliquely led to the expletive-filled grand finale (or bust-up) are the ones that my friends and I consider the better ones. So in the end, I don’t offer any apologies. What’s done is done. Move on.

"Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong."
-Lover, You Should Have Come Over by Jeff Buckley