Liveblogging This Shit from O'Hare

Motherfuckers!!! United Airlines can suck a big fat dick. I'm serious. So maybe it's because I'm bitter because my flight got cancelled and I'm on standby along with everybody else. What the fuck?? There's something seriously wrong with stranding about 100 people and not giving a rat's ass about it. At least I didn't pay shit for my ticket but what about the people who did? HUH? Someone's got to be accountable for this. The sad part is that it's not the first or the last time that this has happened. I'm beyond pissed but somehow I managed to keep my outward cool throughout this whole ordeal. But believe me, I am fucking seething inside. I'm about to flip my shit in about 0.00001 seconds and it ain't gonna be pretty. Heads will fucking roll. Maybe I should write United a letter. It would go something like this:

"Dear United,

Take your 25 dollar voucher (that you so graciously offered me for all the trouble) and shove it up your ass. Like that's gonna make up for it! Fuck you...hard. This is a complete and utter lack for human respect. You deserved to go bankrupt you motherfucking piece of shit!

Sincerely,

me"

That's it, for now. I'm going to go back to listening to music and trying to not lose my head entirely. But I swear, if I do get on the next flight I will start going to church. Otherwise there is no God, and I was right all along.

Peace

Man Candy

Holy smokes!!! Djimon Hounsou is liquid dark chocolate that I just want to lick all over

Why I Love/Hate Christmas

Yep, it's Christmas day. Which means...I'm bored. So I got to thinking about the reasons why I like/dislike Christmas.
Reasons why I like Christmas:
1. PRESENTS!!!!
2. Store discounts
3. Holiday parties

Reasons why I hate Christmas:
1. Agonizing over what to get my friends, I always end up buying more crap for myself.
2. Spending time with my family, because they are CRAZY
3. All the fake joyous crap
4. Santa Claus- the schtick's up old man.
5. Everything's closed! Except CVS
6. Nothing good on TV. All they have is some lame holiday special
7. I'm atheist and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ seems wrong

Ho Ho Ho

Merry Christmas everyone!
Santa did his job this year, considering that I've been really really bad, and got me a Starbucks giftcard to fuel my coffee addiction. Awesome!
Hope everyone got more or less what they wanted.

Love,

Chemskank

More Fun Conversations

Here's another recent conversation on Google Chat.

"me: his gf, btw...totally vanilla 'nilla
other chemskank: yeah
me: a chacun son gout
other chemskank: i knew he'd end up with a pretty blond
i mean shes not that pretty
but she'll look okay in the country club
me: HAHA!!!!!!"

Would You Rather...

...be caught masturbating in a public bathroom or be seen wearing Uggs for a whole week?

I'd pick the former- far less traumatizing.

FUggs

The boots I love to hate have done it yet again! This time it's even worse. And I thought it couldn't get any Ugglier. The over-the-knee version is even more hideous and less flattering than regular ones. Now you can make your whole leg, from ankle to thigh look like a big fucking tree stump! Hooray. Wait a second, I thought fashion was supposed to be flattering and functional. There's nothing about these boots that's either flattering OR functional (imagine trying to get those babies off at airport security)

However, I if see them in a store I will for sure try them on and post a picture, just for shits and giggles.

Man McCandy

See what I did there? Clever! Patrick Dempsey in "Man Candy" was long overdue. I always thought he was cute, even when he looked dorky in Can't Buy Me Love.

Finally!

The day has arrived. After much much anticipation Sweeney Todd has been released. I'm going to see it on Sunday with a friend. It looks crazy good and so far I've only been reading positive things about it.

Man Candy

This might be the most scorching picture so far. Apparently, the package is all his. Impressive! Don't be jealous boys, we can't have him anyway.

Vladimir Groznyi

Time has “crowned” the Russian leader as their “Person of the Year.” I believe I was about 2 weeks ahead of them when I put him *almost* at the top of my Naughty list. Alas, I erred by 1 spot.

In the article, he is most likened with either Peter the Great or Stalin. But I see a much better comparison: Ivan the Terrible. Putin is a 21st century tsar. “Groznyi” roughly translates to “terrible” but it’s connotations are much stronger. It is a mix of awe and sheer terror. Putin is a man that can inspire both of those things. On one hand one can only have respect for a man that has risen to arguably one of the most powerful positions in the world, virtually from nothing. On the other hand, his tactics and icy stare makes one think of a psychopathic serial killer. Time does a pretty good job at laying out the main events of Putin’s administration. However, it fails at putting emphasis on his despotic measures.

Going up in my ivory tower for a second here, I wonder if an iron-fisted ruler is a necessity for the effective ruling of such a large nation. Is the so called “Asian despotism” still an influence on Russian politics or is the country ready to move on towards a more democratic form of government? Everything points to the former. There are too many factors to consider. But the Yeltsin regime’s rampant corruption and disregard for the citizens’ well-being has a lot to do with it. See, as long as the people are happy they will forgive a whole lot. This is exactly what’s happening in Russia right now. They are not starving, the economy’s going great and so they are willing to turn a blind eye on a lot of the government’s infractions.

Who knows what kind of corrupting practices are going on behind the closed doors of the Kremlin. And some degree of corruption and bribery is expected in all governments. My problem is with Putin’s attempt at silencing his critics. An essential part of democracy is freedom of the press. The people of a nation need to cast a critical look on its own government to keep it in check. One of my favorite quotes from V for Vendetta is “The people should not be afraid of their government. The government should be afraid of its people.” But all too often it’s the other way around. And who wouldn’t be when journalists are routinely killed for expressing opinions different from those of the government?

To quote the article: "[Putin] stands, above all, for stability—stability before freedom, stability before choice, stability in a country that has hardly seen it for a hundred years." Stability should not come at the expense of freedom of choice for ultimately repressing that fundamental human right is going to come back and bite you in the ass. So my dear Volodya, I'd watch my back if I were you.

Baby Boom

Actually, scratch that. There IS something I'm pissed off about. Everyone and their sister is pregnant. J. LO, Halle Berry, Nicole Richie. Now Jessica Alba, Jaime Lynn Spears (she's 16 for fuck's sake!), and Lilly Allen. OYYY
Haven't these people heard of CONDOMS? Or BIRTH CONTROL PILLS? I know they're rich enough to afford both of those things. Oh, and Jaime Lynn, you're too young to be screwing some dude anyway! I'm feeling stabby just thinking about it.

Guys, learn to keep it in your pants. Or at least be responsible if you don't want the next 18 years to be a nightmare. But as always, people will always blame it on drugs and rock & roll...and the corruption of the society's young by liberals.

Lazy Days

Haven't been blogging for the past couple of days because I've been really lazy, honestly. That and I don't really have that much to complain about, what with all the hoopla surrounding the holidays and agonizing over Christmas presents. Luckily, my "who's been nice" list is very short this year. I still agonize though. Some people are really hard to shop for!

I'm looking forward to NYC for New Years :)

Things My Friends Say

Sometimes my friends say things that are...well, I don't really know how to classify them. Silly? Sublime? Sublimely silly? Here's one describing the dislike of carousels (via Google chat):

"the motion when the horse comes down
n im kinda off the seat
it messes up ur insides
its like up n down round n round."

I love this girl :)

Vintage Man Candy

One can't get enough of the hotness that is/was Mark Wahlberg. I'm not even a fan of tighty whities and I still drool over this picture.

What the F**k?

It's a sad, sad day for music. They just announced the top-selling albums of 2007 and the #1 spot goes to...Daughtry? WTF? I don't actually know anyone who listens to this shit (or maybe I do but I'd rather not think about it.) Actually, I can't even tell the difference between Nickelback, Creed, Daughtry, and other generic rock bands. They're just SO mediocre and unmemorable, it all sounds the same to me. It's not like the music is that God-awful but the fact that it's so utterly and undeniably AVERAGE makes me hate it. HATE!

Holiday Safety Tips

I got this work e-mail which I found absolutely hilarious. So here it is (with edits, duh)

"The Holiday season is a prime time for criminal activity and shopping puts a greater number of people at risk [ed: you might break an arm or two wrestling that 300-pound woman for the last Wii at Best Buy]. For this reason we like to share the following Holiday Safety Tips with you [ed: not really but we are required by law to do it].

IN THE OFFICE
Lock your cash and valuables in a cabinet or a drawer.
Do not leave cash, wallets or purses on top of your desk[ed: um, hello? is this news?].
Do not leave shopping bags unattended.
If you are working late, inform someone that you will be staying late.
The ABA is not responsible for personal property [ed: The ABA is only responsible for pursuing justice and defending liberty].

USING ELEVATORS
Before entering, look at the person occupying the elevator. If uneasy[ed: meaning if they're black, hispanic, or wearing traditional Islamic dress], wait for the next elevator.
If you notice the person in the elevator hasn’t pushed a floor indicator button, do not get off at your floor [ed: really, they just want to blow up the elevator]. Go back to the lobby and report suspicious activity.
Stand near the control button. If attacked or threatened, sound alarm. Also push the buttons for two or three floors [ed: you'll want to throw them off, keep them on their toes].

IN PUBLIC AREAS
Plan your route [ed: make that route known to possible perps]. Avoid shortcuts through deserted parks, vacant lots and unlit passages.
Beware of pickpockets. Watch out for anyone who jostles you. It may be accidental but then again, it may not.
In restaurants or taverns be aware of strangers [ed: DAMN! I wish they had told me this earlier!]. Avoid giving your full name, residency or location [ed: ok, I'm in trouble]."

Man Candy

So this is more like "Boy Candy" but who cares? Little Tommy is all grown up now but still retains that boyish charm. He's SO cute and totally doable. And that's what I do here...objectify men.

It's Not Easy Being "Green"

First, I’d like to apologize for all the frivolous posts yesterday but I was swamped with work and that left little time for any actual writing. The Times is a continuing source of inspiration and no other newspaper comes close to tackling all the same topics. “A World Consumed by Guilt” is quite excellent. For a while I’ve been extremely suspicious of so-called “green products” especially in fashion. Isn’t there something so ironic there? Going green is supposed to represent a new era of consumer responsibility but fashion itself is so superficial. If anything, “green” turned into a trend, something that will merely be replaced once the next great thing comes along (that is my prediction, anyway.)

Our generation has been made to feel guilty about everything in the world. We’re the “Guilt Generation.” Well actually, we had nothing to do with the way the world has been shaped. The past generations, our parents and grandparents, are to be held accountable but we have to bear the burden of their excesses. Everyday I have to worry if my coffee is organically grown and if it comes in a 100% post-consumer fiber cup. That’s not to say that us young people are not responsible for propagating these problems, but I firmly believe that we are not the cause of it. Instead of re-examining our lifestyles, the ones that have been taught to us by our elders, we are just encouraged to relieve our guilt by buying more stuff. It's much easier to just shell out some dough for soy-based jeans than to work out a viable, long-term solution for the environmental problems plaguing the world.

It all sounds wonderful in theory: buying products that are pesticide-free, undyed, and untreated. But the truth is much much uglier than that. As the article points out, our global economy has made it almost impossible to avoid shipping, which leaves a considerable carbon footprint. Many of these raw materials have to be processed in such a way that leaves behind chemical waste. So it's a lose-lose situation pretty much, except for the designers that charge 6000 bucks for a dress made out of old rags.

Blast From The Past

For some reason I'm in a really good mood today. So naturally I searched for bubbly 80's videos on You Tube. An all-time fave has to be Cherish by Madonna (from 1989! holy shit, I'm old)
So yeah, enjoy.

Man Candy

I thought I'd feature a hot musician for a change since there have been way too many actors in "Man Candy." Plus, I prefer musicians to actors, hands down. Who would have thought that John Mayer would turn out to be such a fox? He was a little chubby and his head always looked disproportionately big. What a difference a year makes! One thing stayed the same though: the sex face he makes while singing.

Sweeney Todd

CLICK HERE for a sneak peek at the opening credits of Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd. So good, in a really sick way. I'm loving this movie already.

Hallelujah!!

As People reports, Jessica Alba is pregnant. This might be the best day of the year so far. She'll FINALLY not be the hottest thing on the planet (for like 8 months). Of course afterwards she'll regain her figure in about 2 weeks but whatever. I'm finally free to move on to another unattainable body ideal. Megan Fox, perhaps?

Question of the Day

What's worse? Coffee that tastes like battery acid or coffee that tastes like sludge?

Liberals v. Conservatives, Good v. Evil?

Sometimes I like reading conservative news blogs, just to remind myself (smugly) how lucky I am to be a liberal. I used to get severely upset and angry whenever I heard or read stuff like that but now I'm more than amused by their reductive rhetoric. So here are a bunch of quotes from Neal Boortz which I took the liberty to comment on

"Liberals operate from a foundation of emotion and feelings. Conservatives operate from a foundation of logic and thoughts."
Conservatives might want to double-check their facts before making any logical deductions. Logically sound arguments are not necessarily true, thoughts are not necessarily germane. Emotion and feelings such as empathy are what makes us human so making decisions not based on them renders us inhuman.

"Liberals view people in terms of their membership in groups. Conservatives view people are individuals." Conservatives also view corporations as individuals.

"The poor are not the "less fortunate." They are instead, the "more irresponsible." They put themselves there, and they drag their children into that status with them. They are the "less prepared," the "less diligent," and the "less able." They weren't unlucky. They did it to themselves."
Wow, the number of fallacies in this quote is staggering!!! Where is your foundation of logic, dude? Yes, I suppose that Paris Hilton, born in the lap of luxury, is somehow "more able" than a brilliant person born in poverty. That's not luck, it's fucking social Darwinism at work, obviously. Paris Hilton is rich because she was diligent and responsible. Hah!

Oh, and there's so much more. Unfortunately I don't have the time for it since I have to go on living my emotional, a-moral lifestyle. Sheesh

The answer to every relationship question there ever was, maybe

There’s a good article in the Times today: Divorce and a Haircut, Two Bits, by Scott Smallwood. After the author’s marriage fails he has to find a barber to cut his hair since his wife had previously done it for him. In the barber’s chair he reminisces about the relationship, giving several versions of the marriage’s demise. As it is with all relationships, there is not one single factor that influences their outcome. Rather, it is a combination of various things. It’s a lot easier to blame it all on the other person, blame it on ONE event but the truth is that it’s a slow process of disintegration that culminates in the one event that we tend to blame everything on. In a way, that’s a lot more depressing because it’s inevitable…like death.

Looking back at the most significant relationship of my relatively short life (3 years, and I’m only 23) it all played out too perfectly. Yes, I could blame it on his cheating or on my obstinacy to make compromises but it’s not that simple. It’s a long series of events, people, and attitudes that just piled on top of each other leading to the breaking point. Eventually, someone stops giving a fuck (especially in a long-distance relationship) and everything falls apart. Then came more than one year of trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together but that failed miserably. It’s like gluing up a shattered glass…it may look like a glass, but does it hold water? Well, I still don’t know why things happened the way they did and I’ve made peace with that. The underlying factors seem to be the imperceptible transformations that occur as we grow and change as people. Sometimes we end up being incompatible if the changes don’t happen in the same direction.

Interestingly, some of my qualities that obliquely led to the expletive-filled grand finale (or bust-up) are the ones that my friends and I consider the better ones. So in the end, I don’t offer any apologies. What’s done is done. Move on.

"Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong."
-Lover, You Should Have Come Over by Jeff Buckley

Man Candy Classics

Some things get better with age. Examples: cheese, wine, and Johnny Depp. He's a classic that never goes out of style. Sweeny Todd is going to be AMAZING

Dana Perino- the new Jessica Simpson

In a brilliant move on the part of the Bush administration, the new White House press secretary (as of September...bye Tony, you had a good run) makes the President look like Einstein. Sadly, she is an embarrassment for womankind. To put it nicely the woman is an idiot, making her the Jessica Simpson of politics. Here's why:

After the televised debacle with Helen Thomas comes another humiliating event for Mrs. Perino. When asked about the Cuban Missile Crisis on NPR's "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me" she innocently replies that "I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Cuba and missiles." Ask any 10th grader in U.S. History and they'd come up with a better answer than that. I bet that Lawrence Summers is having a field day. For being in a position of such power she does nothing to redeem either the current administration or the stereotype that pretty women are stupid. How is any progress supposed to be made when we have people like her running around?

Oh, Dana...we're laughing at you, not with you. At least I still have Helen Thomas.

Obsessions

The lack of anything insightful to say today is getting on my nerves. That's not exactly true as I always have a myriad of thoughts in my head but everything failed to materialize in a legible, coherent form. Lists save me the trouble of coming up with sentences.

Current obsessions
1. fretting over law school applications
2. movies: The Bourne Ultimatum, Titan A.E., anything with Matt Damon, Sweeny Todd (Christmas can't get here soon enough!)
3. music: Indochine, VHS or BETA, The Cure, old Mariah Carey(?!)
4. New York City (more like an all-time obsession)
5. Haruki Murakami books
6. books in general
7. relationships
8. Sudoku
9. my hair (not in a good way)
10. moisturizing

I will add to this as I see fit.

Man Candy

Ok, maybe some won't get this but I've always had a soft spot for Adrien Brody. Sure, he's not exactly pretty but there is just something about him that makes him incredibly sexy. Maybe it's the sense of awkwardness that he gives off (this guy must have been a nerd in high school) or that he's such an incredible actor. I stand by my choice.

Six Word Memoir

Forget long, 300-page memoirs. Nobody ACTUALLY wants to read about your year abroad in Paris because they secretly hate you for it. Everything relevant can be summarized in six words (or less). Here's mine:

"[Name] you're a failure, says mom."

But don't feel bad for me. I take it all in stride.

Naughty or Nice?

I started putting together a "Naughty" and a "Nice" list of public figures from 2007. The task was daunting, mainly because the "Naughty" list kept growing at an exponential pace whereas I barely managed to come up with a couple of names for the "Nice" list. So take a look and see who won't be getting any presents from Santa this year, and why.

Naughty (much, much abbreviated)

1. The Bush Administration- this includes G.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Condi Rice, Ari Fleischer, etc.

2. Vladimir Putin- for attempting to and succeeding at silencing the press and infringing upon the right to freedom of speech, criticizing your government, blah blah...all that constitutional rights stuff that nobody cares about

3. Kim Jong Il- for not believing that Jesus Christ died for his sins.

4. Pervez Musharraf- for declaring martial law and trying to seize power, also for not believing in the redeeming power of J.C.

5. Mitt Romney- just because he's a complete moron

6. Fox News/Ann Coulter- they go together like peanut butter and jelly, although a whole lot less delicious

7. Larry Craig- for being gay, Jesus doesn't like homos. OK, just kidding. He's on this list because he's a self-loathing hypocrite

8. Steve Jobs- for being an idick, charging 600 bucks for that silly little gadget (OMG, I want one!!!) then dropping the price a mere couple weeks later. Let the lynching begin!

9. Britney Spears/ Lindsay Lohan/ Paris Hilton- for being...themselves

10. Amy Winehouse- it hurts me to put her on this list but she's got to get her shit together stat


And finally...who's been Nice

1. Helen Thomas- White House correspondent, and the only person with balls

2. Hilary Clinton/Barack Obama- from proving that a viable presidential candidate doesn't have to be a middle aged white guy. I'd like to seem them on the ballot together *sigh* it will never happen

3. Ken Livingstone- "green" mayor of London

4. Benazir Bhutto- because she had the guts to come out of exile at the risk of being killed all in the name of democracy (are you taking notes G Dubya? you should be)

5. The Spice Girls- reuniting after 5 years!

6. Brangelina- adorable all around

Geek Love

The geeky glasses make him extra hot. Who knew that nerds would suddenly become so popular this year? Of course, I've always had a soft spot for them since I am an equally nerdy female. Aww

Man Candy

I love me a hot latino to take the edge off. Behold Rodrigo Santoro. I first noticed him in Love Actually when he stripped down to his skivvies. It was love at first sight.

Holiday Cheer

Somehow the holidays bring out the worst in people. I strongly believe that. The events in Omaha yesterday don't really do much to disprove my theory. Sure, this kid probably had some deep-rooted issues to begin with but one can see how being bombarded with faux Christmas spirit and discount offers from electronics superstores can lead any sane person towards complete mental breakdown. There is so much pressure to be jolly and charitable that it's rather like reverse psychology. Why SHOULD I be happy? Because the nice lady on TV tells me so? Right...

A particular description from the article struck me:

"Hawkins carried out his shooting spree from the third floor of the Westroads Mall, the bullets from his rifle cutting through the sound of Christmas music as he terrorized shoppers and employees."

Bullets and Christmas music, shopping and terrorism. It's all so wonderfully absurd. Yet it's a reminder that even though our perception of reality has been temporarily suspended in a vortex of tinsel and glitter, it's still there. Life IS absurd and random, that's the scary part. It's almost like for a month and a half we all live in this supra-reality, strangely Matrix-like, in which we are completely oblivious to the world around us. Instead, we agonize over what to give to whom for Christmas.

So in the end, in the interest of making life a lot easier for all of you just buy my the David Yurman knotted chain earrings with diamond drops for a mere 500 dollars. Happy shopping!

Today's Forecast

Partly cloudy this morning, then becoming cloudy during the afternoon. High around 30F with an 80% chance of PMS.

Nice weather is clearly overrated. Let the bitter cold begin! I'm starting to believe that the weather here is becoming more and more a reflection of my mood (or vice versa?)

Man Candy

Today's man candy is Tom Brady (this is for you, TJZ) I don't have much to say...picture speaks for itself.