Pet Peeves- Part 1

I have many pet peeves. So many that it was a daunting task to try and write them ALL down. So I had to do some triaging and came up with a list that is satisfactory for now.

Not getting my coffee as soon as I want it- it leads to coffee withdrawal symptoms: irritability, mild violence, erratic behavior, abusive language. In short, not a pretty sight so you’ll probably want to stay away from me.

Delayed/cancelled flights- there’s nothing worse than being stuck in a goddamn airport because your flight was delayed or cancelled for no apparent reason. Once I was scheduled to leave for NYC at 3 PM and my flight didn’t leave until 9 PM! This other time my flight was entirely cancelled and I ended up spending the whole day at O’Hare (see previous post where I lashed out at United Airlines), doing Jack Daniels shots at the airport bar with a fellow stranded traveler.

Slow people- not as in mentally slow, but just physically slow. I’m a fast walker and there’s nothing worse than being stuck behind some slow-ass person or, even worse, a tourist who stops every 5 seconds to take pictures.

Tourists from the middle of fucking nowhere- see above. They complain that people in the city are mean. Well, you know what?? We don’t like you either. You’re invading our city streets with your mom jeans, obnoxious kids, and sweatshirts proclaiming whatever state you’re from. Have some sense of the place you’re at…Michigan Avenue is NOT a farm. While I’m at it, how about also getting rid of those fanny packs?

Overtly peppy people- can not stand! I’m not gonna be nice to you so this whole thing you’re doing trying to be super nice to me is just going to backfire on you. Bitch, please, don’t try to act like you’re my best friend because if you do my coffee deprived self will not be pleased.

People who list “The DaVinci Code” as their favorite book- I picked it up and couldn’t get through 2 pages of it. It was seriously that bad. I even made it halfway through “The Devil Wears Prada” and that wasn’t a literary masterpiece. People criticized the book for its historical and factual inaccuracies and misrepresentation of Christianity but I think it should have been ripped apart for its below par writing. Dan Brown’s attempt at creating a suspenseful atmosphere is laughable. So if anyone claims that it’s their favorite book then I must, by association, surmise that you too are a tasteless, brainless piece of crap. End of story.
This is actually different from having read and finished the book. I really don’t mind that but please, for the love of all that’s good in the world, don’t say that it’s your favorite.