I got this work e-mail which I found absolutely hilarious. So here it is (with edits, duh)
"The Holiday season is a prime time for criminal activity and shopping puts a greater number of people at risk [ed: you might break an arm or two wrestling that 300-pound woman for the last Wii at Best Buy]. For this reason we like to share the following Holiday Safety Tips with you [ed: not really but we are required by law to do it].
IN THE OFFICE
Lock your cash and valuables in a cabinet or a drawer.
Do not leave cash, wallets or purses on top of your desk[ed: um, hello? is this news?].
Do not leave shopping bags unattended.
If you are working late, inform someone that you will be staying late.
The ABA is not responsible for personal property [ed: The ABA is only responsible for pursuing justice and defending liberty].
USING ELEVATORS
Before entering, look at the person occupying the elevator. If uneasy[ed: meaning if they're black, hispanic, or wearing traditional Islamic dress], wait for the next elevator.
If you notice the person in the elevator hasn’t pushed a floor indicator button, do not get off at your floor [ed: really, they just want to blow up the elevator]. Go back to the lobby and report suspicious activity.
Stand near the control button. If attacked or threatened, sound alarm. Also push the buttons for two or three floors [ed: you'll want to throw them off, keep them on their toes].
IN PUBLIC AREAS
Plan your route [ed: make that route known to possible perps]. Avoid shortcuts through deserted parks, vacant lots and unlit passages.
Beware of pickpockets. Watch out for anyone who jostles you. It may be accidental but then again, it may not.
In restaurants or taverns be aware of strangers [ed: DAMN! I wish they had told me this earlier!]. Avoid giving your full name, residency or location [ed: ok, I'm in trouble]."
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Avoid carrying large amounts of cash while you're shopping. If you go to an automatic teller machine for cash, be sure it's in a safe location. If you notice any suspicious persons or vehicles nearby, don't use the ATM. Carry only the credit cards that you'll need. Keep a list of all of your credit cards, and if any are lost or stolen, report it as soon as possible. Most thieves will begin using your cards immediately, ringing up charges before the cards can be canceled. Always check your monthly statement to make sure you're not being billed for someone else's purchases. It is just too easy for a dishonest person to get your card number.
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Angelinjones
Interactive Marketing
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