Forget long, 300-page memoirs. Nobody ACTUALLY wants to read about your year abroad in Paris because they secretly hate you for it. Everything relevant can be summarized in six words (or less). Here's mine:
"[Name] you're a failure, says mom."
But don't feel bad for me. I take it all in stride.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Naughty or Nice?
I started putting together a "Naughty" and a "Nice" list of public figures from 2007. The task was daunting, mainly because the "Naughty" list kept growing at an exponential pace whereas I barely managed to come up with a couple of names for the "Nice" list. So take a look and see who won't be getting any presents from Santa this year, and why.
Naughty (much, much abbreviated)
1. The Bush Administration- this includes G.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Condi Rice, Ari Fleischer, etc.
2. Vladimir Putin- for attempting to and succeeding at silencing the press and infringing upon the right to freedom of speech, criticizing your government, blah blah...all that constitutional rights stuff that nobody cares about
3. Kim Jong Il- for not believing that Jesus Christ died for his sins.
4. Pervez Musharraf- for declaring martial law and trying to seize power, also for not believing in the redeeming power of J.C.
5. Mitt Romney- just because he's a complete moron
6. Fox News/Ann Coulter- they go together like peanut butter and jelly, although a whole lot less delicious
7. Larry Craig- for being gay, Jesus doesn't like homos. OK, just kidding. He's on this list because he's a self-loathing hypocrite
8. Steve Jobs- for being an idick, charging 600 bucks for that silly little gadget (OMG, I want one!!!) then dropping the price a mere couple weeks later. Let the lynching begin!
9. Britney Spears/ Lindsay Lohan/ Paris Hilton- for being...themselves
10. Amy Winehouse- it hurts me to put her on this list but she's got to get her shit together stat
And finally...who's been Nice
1. Helen Thomas- White House correspondent, and the only person with balls
2. Hilary Clinton/Barack Obama- from proving that a viable presidential candidate doesn't have to be a middle aged white guy. I'd like to seem them on the ballot together *sigh* it will never happen
3. Ken Livingstone- "green" mayor of London
4. Benazir Bhutto- because she had the guts to come out of exile at the risk of being killed all in the name of democracy (are you taking notes G Dubya? you should be)
5. The Spice Girls- reuniting after 5 years!
6. Brangelina- adorable all around
Naughty (much, much abbreviated)
1. The Bush Administration- this includes G.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Condi Rice, Ari Fleischer, etc.
2. Vladimir Putin- for attempting to and succeeding at silencing the press and infringing upon the right to freedom of speech, criticizing your government, blah blah...all that constitutional rights stuff that nobody cares about
3. Kim Jong Il- for not believing that Jesus Christ died for his sins.
4. Pervez Musharraf- for declaring martial law and trying to seize power, also for not believing in the redeeming power of J.C.
5. Mitt Romney- just because he's a complete moron
6. Fox News/Ann Coulter- they go together like peanut butter and jelly, although a whole lot less delicious
7. Larry Craig- for being gay, Jesus doesn't like homos. OK, just kidding. He's on this list because he's a self-loathing hypocrite
8. Steve Jobs- for being an idick, charging 600 bucks for that silly little gadget (OMG, I want one!!!) then dropping the price a mere couple weeks later. Let the lynching begin!
9. Britney Spears/ Lindsay Lohan/ Paris Hilton- for being...themselves
10. Amy Winehouse- it hurts me to put her on this list but she's got to get her shit together stat
And finally...who's been Nice
1. Helen Thomas- White House correspondent, and the only person with balls
2. Hilary Clinton/Barack Obama- from proving that a viable presidential candidate doesn't have to be a middle aged white guy. I'd like to seem them on the ballot together *sigh* it will never happen
3. Ken Livingstone- "green" mayor of London
4. Benazir Bhutto- because she had the guts to come out of exile at the risk of being killed all in the name of democracy (are you taking notes G Dubya? you should be)
5. The Spice Girls- reuniting after 5 years!
6. Brangelina- adorable all around
Geek Love
The geeky glasses make him extra hot. Who knew that nerds would suddenly become so popular this year? Of course, I've always had a soft spot for them since I am an equally nerdy female. Aww
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Man Candy
I love me a hot latino to take the edge off. Behold Rodrigo Santoro. I first noticed him in Love Actually when he stripped down to his skivvies. It was love at first sight.Holiday Cheer
Somehow the holidays bring out the worst in people. I strongly believe that. The events in Omaha yesterday don't really do much to disprove my theory. Sure, this kid probably had some deep-rooted issues to begin with but one can see how being bombarded with faux Christmas spirit and discount offers from electronics superstores can lead any sane person towards complete mental breakdown. There is so much pressure to be jolly and charitable that it's rather like reverse psychology. Why SHOULD I be happy? Because the nice lady on TV tells me so? Right...
A particular description from the article struck me:
"Hawkins carried out his shooting spree from the third floor of the Westroads Mall, the bullets from his rifle cutting through the sound of Christmas music as he terrorized shoppers and employees."
Bullets and Christmas music, shopping and terrorism. It's all so wonderfully absurd. Yet it's a reminder that even though our perception of reality has been temporarily suspended in a vortex of tinsel and glitter, it's still there. Life IS absurd and random, that's the scary part. It's almost like for a month and a half we all live in this supra-reality, strangely Matrix-like, in which we are completely oblivious to the world around us. Instead, we agonize over what to give to whom for Christmas.
So in the end, in the interest of making life a lot easier for all of you just buy my the David Yurman knotted chain earrings with diamond drops for a mere 500 dollars. Happy shopping!
A particular description from the article struck me:
"Hawkins carried out his shooting spree from the third floor of the Westroads Mall, the bullets from his rifle cutting through the sound of Christmas music as he terrorized shoppers and employees."
Bullets and Christmas music, shopping and terrorism. It's all so wonderfully absurd. Yet it's a reminder that even though our perception of reality has been temporarily suspended in a vortex of tinsel and glitter, it's still there. Life IS absurd and random, that's the scary part. It's almost like for a month and a half we all live in this supra-reality, strangely Matrix-like, in which we are completely oblivious to the world around us. Instead, we agonize over what to give to whom for Christmas.
So in the end, in the interest of making life a lot easier for all of you just buy my the David Yurman knotted chain earrings with diamond drops for a mere 500 dollars. Happy shopping!
Today's Forecast
Partly cloudy this morning, then becoming cloudy during the afternoon. High around 30F with an 80% chance of PMS.
Nice weather is clearly overrated. Let the bitter cold begin! I'm starting to believe that the weather here is becoming more and more a reflection of my mood (or vice versa?)
Nice weather is clearly overrated. Let the bitter cold begin! I'm starting to believe that the weather here is becoming more and more a reflection of my mood (or vice versa?)
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Man Candy
Today's man candy is Tom Brady (this is for you, TJZ) I don't have much to say...picture speaks for itself.
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